Broken Road
by chibinecco
Summary: Kakashi thinks on old friends at the memorial stone.Warning: Cryptic, Deathfic, light mention of shounen ai


Author's note: I wrote this mostly as a personal challenge to myself to see if i could write a death fic. It seems I can, so I'm never going to do so again. Posted this ages ago to the kakairu comm on livejournal with the challenge to see how many people could correctly guess what's really going on in this story. I offered a reward (ficlet/drabble) to any one who got the right answer. The answer has already been posted over there so i can't offer a reward aside from Kudos if you get it right. Good luck only about three out of like ten people who guessed got it over there.

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Kakashi stood silently in the early morning mist. Every day for years he'd come here to morn for the loss of his friends old and new. Every day he would turn around completely and don his crescent eyed smile as he left, not glad because he wanted to be but glad because he had to be.

First was his father. He hadn't ever gone to the memorial stone for his father partly because his father's name wasn't there. Death by suicide didn't warrant an addition especially in times of war when not a day went by when another name sometimes two were in need of carving. And after failing a mission to save shinobi that had been captured through their own fault, to Kakashi's eyes at the time as well as the village's, Hatake Sakumo was not an honorable ninja worthy of addition to the record of deaths in the line of duty. It wasn't till the next big death in his life that Kakashi's opinion changed.

Next to go was Obito taken only just after he had realized the kid was right about life and teamwork and friends. Kakashi felt it was his fault. His sensei assured him there wasn't anything that could have been done, but Kakashi knew it was his fault. He hadn't gone with the younger boy to save their mutual team mate, and Obito had died because of it. This was why Kakashi spent at least fifteen minutes of every evening he had left in the village in front of his father's grave marker in the family plot.

The next name that affected Kakashi so greatly also affected the whole village greatly; the Yondaime, his sensei, the Yellow Flash. Taken from life by a forbidden jutsu, the Yondaime sacrificed himself in the name of the village in order to save hundreds of lives for generations. With his death Kakashi found himself hating the ninja way of life for the first time in all his years. It wasn't the last time he'd curse its rules.

Kakashi swore off love entirely after his next encounter with the demon who always came to destroy his happiness. Rin also wasn't added to the memorial stone. Dying of sickness only three months after he had started dating her, Kakashi swore for the second time because of death that he hated the world of ninja. He'd discovered swiftly he cared deeply for her. It was while he was on a mission she had passed. They had planed to go on a date once he got back. Kakashi planned to confess his true feelings for her, whether or not she felt the same as he. He never got his chance. He swore to never love again.

The next name broke his vow. Umino Iruka, academy sensei, and beautiful lover, ever faithful, died protecting one of his students. It was just like any training practice, dangerous and full of sharp objects; but this time, one of the students who hadn't passed his written test, who should have been inside with Suzume learning from a book throwing the fake ones at a board, was outside throwing the real dangerous sharp metal stars. It only took a little extra swing, a few inches outside the box, and the shuriken was headed for the little girl next to him instead of the target. Iruka moved before he even knew he'd made the decision. Landing deep in his chest through the opening in his vest where the simple man had unzipped it in the hot weather, Iruka was in critical condition and dying before he hit the ground. The little girl he'd jumped in front of was giving first aid in an instant instructing the other boy to go get help. If the boy hadn't frozen the girl's efforts wouldn't have been in vain. The boy was expelled by the end of the day, and Iruka was gone.

Sasuke was next. Found in a pool of his own blood with his fist through Itachi's chest. The young boy, only 20, was mutilated almost beyond recognition. Death coming instantly only moments after his clan had been avenged. Kakashi had been assigned to console Naruto. Waking in the night many times to the Hokage's anguished screams, had hit harder than any physical blow he would ever receive in life. Kakashi himself had made these same screams not too long ago, after his own love's depart.

Maito Gai had been Kakashi's only consistent companion to follow him through his entire life. But hundreds died in the next war. Hundreds gasping pain and anguish in their last moments calling for relief by death or medic, most didn't even care. Gai wasn't one of these. Taking a direct hit to the chest from a powerful sound jutsu, Gai died with his teeth still glinting against a magnificent sunset, even at 11:00 in the morning. Spouting one of his many speeches about youth and spring time, the strongest man in Konoha passed in the same vigor as he lived.

The next death close to him was as important as the third, and very similar in telling. The Rokudaime, like the Yondaime, died fulfilling his duties to the village. It was that very same war that claimed so many. It was over with his death, in much the same way the battle with the Kyuubi was over with the Yondaime's death. A forbidden jutsu at the critical moment saved millions, but took one very important figure from Kakashi's life and hundreds of other's lives. He'd done nothing. He hadn't been able to do anything. Wounded only a few minutes prior in the battle Kakashi hadn't been physically capable of stopping the carnage before him. The blood, the seals, the scroll, the chakra, the words, the moment, and he was gone. Naruto was gone, and the war was over.

It was now, surrounded by everyone, Kakashi stood weary and silent to the world staring at names new, old, and forgotten as he told his daily story to old friends, family, and loved. Every day for years passed and years to come he stood in the early fog to mourn. Every day for years passed and years to come Kakashi would turn to a different world and smile not because he wanted to but because he couldn't not in the face of everyone he'd ever loved.


End file.
